Under The Counter

Jemima Packington
494 views

It’s written in the spears

Who needs Uri Geller when you’ve got “world-famous asparamancer and international TV celebrity Jemima Packington”? That’s what the...

Poor replica burglar alarm
656 views

Burgalurs beware

You can never be too safe when protecting your business from the sundry layabouts, no-users and vagabonds that...

Rhoderick Dhu public house
1068 views

High risk of UTC being high risk

UTC maintains a strong interest in tracking all the various surveys that come out discussing Scotland’s alleged ‘unhealthy...

Minky ironing board
1122 views

For sale: one slightly damaged ironing board

Lacking a classified section, SLR has been forced to use its online presence to offer for sale one...

great turkey defrost
188 views

Festive TV? It’s like watching a turkey defrost

Being firmly of the bah humbug persuasion, UTC never tires of complaining about the quality of entertainment on...

Behind the scenes at Glengoyne
207 views

Please let me into the Christmas spirit!

Christmas can be an awfy thirsty time of year in UTC’s experience, combining as it does a whole...

sea aged champagne
1191 views

Sea-aged champagne. Discuss.

Not much of a champagne drinker himself, UTC was bemused to learn of the latest bit of bawbaggery...

christmas tree
272 views

Lies, damn lies and Christmas trees

By now, regular readers of this page will be only too familiar with the auld yin’s loathing of...

Inside the invisible cinema
302 views

Cannae see the point

Technology, UTC grudgingly admits, can be a wonderful thing but oftentimes he just cannae see the point of...

Mary Whitehouse
1259 views

Desperados meets Mary Whitehouse

Some members of the great British public will complain about literally anything, and UTC’s patience has worn a...