Under The Counter is no David Attenborough; the only animals he likes are horses and greyhounds. But only ones that have won him money at the bookies.
He certainly has no time for squirrels, even the cute red ones. The mere mention of what he dismisses as “tree rats” has the Auld Boy tucking his trousers into his socks in case one runs up a spindly leg in search of nuts.
Which brings us to the point of this story. Apparently, police were summoned to a Norwich B&Q in the middle of a Saturday night last month after the store’s intruder alarm was triggered.
The investigating officers eventually tracked down the culprit in the Outdoor & Garden department: a grey squirrel that was taking its pick from the store’s impressive selection of wild bird food.
Despite having a paunch full of peanuts, the bushy-tailed bandit managed to evade the pursuing flat-foots – who were no doubt distracted by the prospect of getting 25% off some spa accessories for the station jacuzzi – and fled the store for the safety of a nearby tree.
“At which point,” UTC chuckled, “the cops handed the case over to their colleagues in Special Branch.”
