Come pie with me

Scotch pie

Britain celebrated National Pie Week last month (7 to 13 March). The event, as ever, was accompanied by a flurry of scientifically conducted surveys revealing the nation’s favourite pie.

As these all scientifically reached different conclusions, UTC decided to run with analysis from a company called SlotsUp. Mainly because an online fruit machine database feigning interest in British culinary habits appealed to his contrarian nature.

However, SlotsUp’s list of Britain’s 15 favourite pies soon had a big vein in the Auld Boy’s forehead pulsating for a couple of reasons.

First of all, the list was topped by Cottage Pie. Not a real pie, according to UTC, who went to great lengths – well, a quick Google search – to convince his uninterested colleagues that “a pie is a whole dish encased in pastry”.

Like the humble Scotch pie, for example. Which leads nicely to the curmudgeon-in-chief’s second gripe: the complete and utter absence of your bog-standard pie from the list. Neither it, nor that exotic example of fusion cuisine at its finest – the macaroni pie – were to be found anywhere in the top 15.

With cries of “Slot’s up with you?” ringing in his ears, UTC swiftly departed for the nearest Greggs.

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