Michelin star-isation puzzler

Pedigree Wrap

Never having been much of a pet man, UTC has limited patience for the trend towards what he dismissively refers to as the ‘Michelin Star-isation’ of pet food.

As he puts it in his own inimitable way: “When I was a wean dugs were happy enough eating their own spew. And we were happy to watch them, because there was only three channels of crap TV and nae internet.”

So a press release about new range of Pedigree Wraps launched by Mars Petcare for the nation’s four-legged friends got the full hairdryer treatment when it landed in the auld boy’s inbox.

Pedigree Wrap is, allegedly, made with 40% real chicken and “safe chopped beef rawhide, with no added artificial flavours or colourants”. Senior Brand Manager Carmen De Vos explained the insight behind the new product as follows: “As our relationship with our pets becomes more emotional, owners want to have more special moments of bonding and connection. Our new product gives dogs a differentiated experience that starts with an irresistibly chewy chicken wrap, followed by a deliciously munchy stick.”

And it only costs two and half quid a packet.

UTC’s subsequent amusing if somewhat off-colour rant on the subject of pampered pooches covered everything from food banks to memories of having to eat Spam pieces 17 days in a row as a boy. It is, unfortunately, unprintable.Under The Counter

Lone worker protection at the touch of a button