Under The Counter’s pulse quickened recently when an email flooded in.
The email proposed a collaboration with Garry Lineham — a bloke who, after a decade of study, has declared himself a fascia expert.
This puts Gaz in the same exclusive club as UTC, who has spent a suspiciously undocumented number of years scribbling about symbol groups. At least he says he has; much like a computer’s Scroll Lock key, nobody is entirely sure what UTC actually does.
The Auld Boy’s excitement was, predictably, short-lived.
It turns out Lineham is not an expert on shop signs. Instead, he knows all about the sheaths of fibrous tissue that enclose muscles and organs, also known as fascia.
And he has developed a series of simple exercises manipulating the body’s fascia that release stress in minutes.
As someone whose blood is often at pressures usually found in the Mariana Trench – a submarine-crushing seven miles down at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean – the Auld Boy could do with releasing some stress.
Unfortunately, for UTC’s hypertension, the fascia course sits behind a paywall. Sadly, for Lineham’s bank book, SLR’s parsimonious pensioner promptly binned the email on discovering financial outlay was involved.
However, it got UTC pondering his own fascia course. Luckily, his colleagues persuaded him that a 10-part lecture series on the evolution of Londis signage (Episode one: The Helvetica Years) would gather more dust than the Scroll Lock key on his Windows 3.1-era keyboard.
