The recent launch of Heinz’s new Fish & Chips Sauce had Under The Counter rubbing his balding napper with a vigour he usually reserves for Millionaire 777 scratchcards.
The reason? Some serious condiment-induced déjà vu. Surely, the Auld Boy reckoned, this was the same stuff last seen on shelves in 2022, in the shape of the brand’s Tartare Sauce?
Not so, according to Heinz. “Think of Heinz Fish & Chips sauce as Tartare 2.0 – 2025’s hot new upgrade,” it said.
Hot new upgrade? A lot of hot air, more like, thundered SLR’s resident curmudgeon-in-chief, who branded the renaming as another egregious example of society’s dumbing down.
However, he wasn’t alone in smelling something fishy; the internet was soon swimming with shoals of punters, calling out the codswallop and putting Heinz in its plaice.
The brand responded with: “Fish and Chips Sauce = a creamy, herby sauce for the beloved fish and chips.”
Now, Under The Counter doesn’t like to carp (that’s because he loves to carp) but he reckons Heinz is floundering a bit with its naming conventions.
Surely then, the old codger cogitated, this means that Heinz Tomato Ketchup must be a thick, sweet and tangy sauce for livening up a plate of tomatoes?
