From when fire was discovered to the dawn of TikTok, people once grappled with some profound philosophical questions. Is there a god? Do we have free will? Caramel wafer or teacake?
Tough nuts to crack. And now Under The Counter has stopped doomscrolling long enough to come up with some answers.
UTC isn’t sure if there is a god, although he thinks he might have sat next to him at primary school. What’s more, he’s fairly positive there is no such thing as free will; not after 40 years of marriage to Mrs UTC anyway. And as for caramel wafers vs teacakes, he has some ice-cold scientific analysis courtesy of CCEP.
Coca-Cola Europacific Partners (not the Soviet Union) asked visitors to the Glasgow 2026 Commonwealth Games to settle the biscuit debate by chucking empty drinks containers into an interactive ‘ballot bin’.
As a quick swatch at said bin confirms, you could barely squeeze a teacake’s foil wrapper between the votes. And before readers fresh from the Journal of Applied Statistics start braying about the staggeringly small sample size, don’t. UTC doesn’t care.
He is, however, torn. There’s less chance of him breaking his falsers on the soft mallow of the teacake. That said, he’s more likely to get the narrower caramel wafer into his cakehole without smearing chocolate all over his coupon.
It’s a moot point though; Mrs UTC won’t let him have either.
