Under The Counter was shocked to discover that Balsen’s Choco Leibniz biscuits are fast gaining internet notoriety as ‘lesbian biscuits’.
Unconvinced? Type ‘lesbian biscuit’ into Google and see what happens. Don’t worry, UTC would never try to lure readers down some dark NSFW alley. Honest.
The Auld Boy is unsure how ‘Leibniz’ morphed into ‘lesbian’. OK, they both have seven letters and start with ‘l’ but then so do loads of other words. For example, what’s wrong with ‘leakage’? Quite a lot, if you were to ask UTC’s urologist, but you get the point.
Richard Price, a grocery expert at BritSuperstore, offered this explanation: “At first, it might seem like a weird fluke—how on earth could ‘Leibniz’ ever sound like ‘Lesbian’? But when you try to say it out loud in the store with a straight face, you might get what we mean. The number of times I’ve heard people stumble over ‘Leibniz’ in the wild is staggering—and hilarious.”
UTC is pretty sure the number of times Price has heard people stumble over ‘Leibniz’ is staggeringly small but put his theory to the test, nonetheless.
And SLR can exclusively reveal that the Auld Boy managed to stand in Lidl repeating ‘Leibniz’ no bother at all. Well, there was some bother when staff took umbrage at the weird old guy with dodgy damp patches on his breeks mumbling in the middle aisle, but that’s part and parcel of investigative journalism.
At any rate, UTC wouldn’t thank you for a pack of lesbian biscuits. He’d much rather bust open some Party Rings.
