An avid collector of sales pitch dressed up as legitimate research, UTC’s favourite example from last month was a release highlighting new research that some football fans in England – yes, only in England – are putting their sex lives on the line because of their undying loyalty to their clubs.
How are they doing that, you might ask? Well, in Greater London, for example, apparently 27% of Premier League supporters have admitted to having thought about footballers while having sex.
The auld yin’s subconscious immediately conjured up an image in his head of Davie Dodds, the ‘unacceptable face of Scottish football’. Remember him? Astonishingly, it isn’t Davie Dodds that people think of while getting it on, but David Beckham.
(At this point you’ve probably realised that you had been assuming we were talking about male footfall fans, and maybe we are because the press release doesn’t clarify that issue.)
Worse, almost 50% of southern English supporters have admitted that winning a trophy is better than sex. Being a Hamilton Accies fan, the auld yin has never experienced the unbridled joy of winning a trophy and, somewhat harshly, admitted that he can only vaguely remember the last time he experienced any unbridled joy with Mrs UTC. He made mention of a bus shelter in Girvan, but we didn’t probe.