If Under The Counter was a city, he’d be Edinburgh: old and prone to smelling a bit funny.
Despite this kinship with the Athens of the North, he avoided it like an alcohol-free beer last month – because the Festival Fringe was in town. Now, UTC enjoys a jostling from hordes of flyer-thrusting thespians as much as the next misanthropic geriatric but still, it’s not for him.
He was therefore in no rush to visit Aldi’s Portobello store, which the German discounter, with its ruthless Teutonic efficiency in sniffing out a PR wheeze, was touting as “an unlikely foodie destination” for festival-goers. It even banged out a wee postcard to remind tourists of their grand day out in the middle aisle.
The store had supposedly become one of the only supermarkets in Scotland to feature among Edinburgh’s ‘Top Things To Do’ on Tripadvisor, putting it alongside many of the capital’s most iconic visitor attractions.
Given that the overwhelming majority of Scotland’s supermarkets are not even in Edinburgh, UTC had to wonder if this was worth boasting about.
Putting this churlish pedantry to one side, the Auld Boy had a quick nosey on Tripadvisor to see just what other attractions Aldi Portobello was rubbing shoulders with.
Castle, Royal Yacht, Camera Obscura. So far, so page one of the rankings. However, UTC had almost clicked his arthritic index finger down to the bone before he wearily stumbled across the Aldi entry, which weighed in at an impressive #653 of 773 things to do in Edinburgh.
Precisely one place below the lost luggage desk at Edinburgh Airport.
