Being firmly of the bah humbug persuasion, UTC never tires of complaining about the quality of entertainment on the telly, especially during the festive season.
He nearly swallowed his Barlinnie-thinnie roll-up last month when he heard about a special programme that Food Standards Scotland was doing on Facebook in the run up to Christmas: broadcasting a live feed of a turkey being defrosted.
Yes, that’s right: two full days of watching a frozen turkey defrost on Facebook. Words cannot describe the mirth on the auld yin’s face as he invited everyone at SLR Towers to join him, loudly stating that it had to be better than repeats of Ben Hur, Home Alone and Love Actually.
Food Standards Scotland’s next blockbuster Facebook shows may or may not include “watching a skip rust” and “watching paint dry”.[For any readers wondering what the point was, it was to illustrate “the potential health risks of failing to defrost your turkey properly.” An admirably serious Dr Jacqui McElhiney of Food Standards Scotland rightly commented that “nothing spoils Christmas like food poisoning”, unless of course, you are UTC, in which case a good dose of food poisoning is apparently much preferable to days upon days of enforced time with the wife and family pretending to be happy.]