Under The Counter almost dropped his can of Tennent’s when he discovered half of Gen Z turn to tea rather than booze to steady their nerves before life’s big moments.
This earth-shattering finding comes from new research that tea peddler Twinings cites as evidence of “behaviour that signals new opportunities for tea occasions”.
If, like UTC, you think it’s actually proof the world is going to hell in a box of 240 teabags, you’d better put the kettle on and brace yourself.
It turns out youngsters are brewing up before such high-pressure situations as watching the finale of a TV series, phoning their friends, and going for a hot girl walk.
UTC had no idea what a ‘hot girl walk’ was but, in the interests of investigative journalism, didn’t hesitate to type it into Google, blaming his arthritic fingers for accidentally activating image search.
Just so you know – and the Auld Boy risked yet another trip to HR to uncover this – a hot girl walk covers exactly four miles. Walkers focus on gratitude, achieving their personal goals and – this bit has been fact checked – acknowledging how hot they are.
Judging by the pictures he spent an hour quickly skimming over, UTC acknowledged some of them looked extremely hot indeed – to the point that they had stripped down to what he imagines must pass for 21st-century unmentionables; PE kits looked nothing like that back in his day.
The Auld Boy suggests everyone’s nerves – including his – could be steadied and decorum maintained if, before setting off, walkers swapped hot tea for a cold can of Tennent’s straight from the fridge.
