If you’re reading this, congratulations – you made it through January.
Depending on just how your boat floats, the first month of the year can be a veritable Olympic-sized running track of hurdles. There’s Dry January, Veganuary, Blue Monday, Lunar New Year and Burns Night. And let’s not forget paying for Christmas presents that – because a jolly old man in a red suit supplied for free – your children feel no need to express any gratitude for.
Speaking of old men, although “jolly” is an adjective too far, Under The Counter has uncovered – courtesy of ParcelHero – something else that happens every January but goes largely unnoticed. Namely, the vast number of unwanted gifts that get sent back once the festive fairy dust has settled.
And there’s heartbreak behind many of these returns, according to the courier firm. It reckons as many as 3.1 million Brits sent stuff back last month because they split with their partner after buying them a Christmas present but before 25 December. More couples break up in the two weeks before Christmas than at any other time of year, as UTC informed his uninterested co-workers.
This sad statistic did not, of course, bring a tear to the Auld Boy’s jaundiced eye.
Paraphrasing his favourite 60s girl group, The Ronettes, he tunelessly warbled: “The best part of breaking up is… not having to fork out on a bottle of Anaïs Anaïs at Christmastime.” Or ‘Anus Anus’ as he uncouthly pronounced it.
