“Is fibre the new protein?” That’s the burning issue currently doing the rounds on social media and one that a more youthful colleague (i.e. in their sixties) was daft enough to repeat within UTC’s selective earshot.
“Naw,” was the Auld Boy’s terse response.
“Fibre consists mainly of non‑digestible plant polysaccharides, while proteins are polymers of amino acids,” he elaborated – revealing a knowledge of molecular biology hitherto kept concealed under his bunnet.
Such expertise makes UTC well placed to offer an informed opinion on the cause of all this feverish food fixation: the surge in GLP‑1 weight-loss injections, whose uptake is spreading faster than a puddle under a broken chiller.
On reflection, the Auld Boy is probably not the best source of expert commentary, given that he refers to the aforementioned treatments as “fat jags”.
At any rate, UTC has no time for dietary fads. He sources protein from Scotch pies, hydrates courtesy of Tennent’s lager, and gets roughage – sorry, fibre – from unfiltered roll‑ups. The Auld Boy considers this a balanced diet: balancing unblocked bowels against tar-filled lungs.
He certainly isn’t buying into the latest so-called ‘fibremaxxing’ craze, which has the supermarkets churning out ‘nutrient-dense’ ready meals so stringy you could use the leftovers to re-upholster a burst couch.
Lidl, bless its lederhosen, even has a fibre strategy; it plans to increase its total fibre tonnage sold by 20% this year. UTC assumes its bog-roll sales are, by grim necessity, on a similar trajectory.
