What with all the recent toilet roll panic buying, the auld yin was hardly surprised to see new challenger brands entering the market.
His favourite was Uranus Wiper. No, really.
Uranus Wiper is an environmentally friendly bog roll that was launched to help raise awareness about the stigma around anal cancer. Fair enough.
It reminded him of that old joke about what the Starship Enterprise and a toilet roll have in common: both of them circle Uranus searching for Klingons.