Under The Counter’s hearing isn’t what it used to be, although for some reason the Auld Boy can still hear a 50p piece hitting the pavement from 50 paces.
So, when Mrs UTC paused his Betamax video player right at the dramatic conclusion of sci-fi flick Star Wars to say that jerkins were about to get a whole lot easier to open, the curmudgeon-in-chief assumed that zip technology had taken a great leap forward.
It turns out that the cloth-eared clown had misheard, and his good lady was actually blethering on about gherkins. For, as revealed elsewhere on this fine website, Empire Bespoke Foods is trialling new easy-open lids on jars of its Mrs Elswood pickle brand.
It’s making this bold move in the wake of research which found that 90% of consumers are clamouring for lids that don’t require the grip strength of a Silverback gorilla to twist off. Which makes you wonder just how much that remaining tenth of the population must really hate gherkins.
Anyway, the trial is great news for UTC as the Auld Boy struggles to open jars almost as much as he struggles to walk past a betting shop without going in.
Apparently, the new lids only require 50% of the force to open them, compared to more traditional jars.
Switching Star Wars back on, the Auld Boy got to thinking that Luke Skywalker’s job would have been a whole lot easier if Empire Bespoke foods, rather than The Galactic Empire, had designed the Death Star, or Death Jar, as it would probably have ended up getting called. Consequently, he would only have needed to use half as much of The Force to blow its lid off, compared to more traditional planet-destroying superweapons.
