The agony and the ecstasy

Dear Ashleigh

Under The Counter knows a thing or two about the German discounters. You could say he’s been to Aldi and bought the T-shirt.

He’s also bought garden furniture, power tools, colouring books, dumbbells, a couple of children’s wetsuits and a rubber dinghy.

However, the Auld Boy was forced to remove his bunnet (also a Specialbuy) to scratch his head at Aldi Scotland’s latest offering: relationship advice.

Customers don’t even need to root about in the middle aisle to patch up their foundering love lives. They just need to share their receipt on Aldi’s social channels and “up and coming” agony aunt Dear Ashleigh will offer dating tips based on their purchases.

After spending 10 years asking, “Are you getting your make-up done for anything special?”, Glaswegian beautician Dear Ashleigh branched out during lockdown and started offering relationship advice to clients as a side hustle.

As she explained: “It’s the small things that they themselves haven’t noticed which reveals the most.”

UTC imagined that Dear Ashleigh could spot some extremely small things, considering “her glasses look more powerful than the Hubble telescope”. Which is rich, considering the two milk bottles he peers through.

“I’m looking forward to helping Aldi shoppers find out a bit more about themselves and where they should be looking for love,” Dear Ashleigh concluded.

Hopefully that’s not in the inflatable hot tub UTC’s just brought back from Aldi.

Under The Counter