Under The Counter nearly spat his tea halfway across the office when he heard that the UK has a licensed horse milker.
The Auld Boy’s not one for horsing around; the milk that goes in his hot beverages comes strictly from the domestic coo – via the c-store just down the street from SLR Towers.
Still, he was spurred on to take a closer look at horse breeder Frank Shellard, who’s been milking his female cuddy buddies for the past four years. “He’s a very eccentric father,” said Frank’s daughter Alison, who will be representing Britain at the forthcoming World Understatement Championships.
Drinking horse milk is nothing new. Ask any nomad from the steppes of central Asia, where they’ve been doing it for donkey’s years. “Nomad? Stark staring mad, more like,” scoffed UTC, blissfully unaware his comments were likely to stirrup trouble in Kyrgyzstan.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Frank is finding it an uphill – almost vertical – struggle to rein in the UK’s unbridled enthusiasm for cow milk, a market that’s worth almost £6bn annually.
So, would UTC help out a fellow eccentric in his hour of need and neck a glass or two of mare’s milk?
It’s fair to say the prospect didn’t exactly have the Auld Boy champing at the bit. “Neigh chance,” he growled.
