The fly pish phenomenon

Toilet Closed sign

With a heavy drinking career stretching back at least six decades, UTC will readily admit to having had to resort to a wee alfresco pee now and again when being caught short on the way back from the boozer – but even he was taken aback by a press release recently highlighting how ‘fly peeing’ has officially become a thing under coronavirus.

Waste management specialists BusinessWaste.co.uk have apparently witnessed a huge surge in outdoor urinating. The new phenomenon has allegedly been driven by the closure of public toilets. [The auld boy did mutter something about preferring to take his chances in the bushes than in a public lavvy in Glasgow, but we won’t go into that – Ed.]

According to the release, there has been a huge spike in pee-filled bottles appearing along the country’s roadsides, as well as a mass outbreak of people draining the water off their spuds into people’s gardens and in public beauty spots.

And we even have a genuine quote. Trucker Mark Taylor of Addingham tells us: “I’m old and my bladder isn’t as strong as it once was, but I haven’t been able to stop for a wee because most services have been shut. I’ve had to pee in my Lucozade bottle, but it tends to get a bit smelly in the cab, so I’ve thrown a few bottles out of the window.”

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